Baywatch Movie Review:
Baywatch is the theatrical love child of the Baywatch series of 1989, a series staring some of pop culture’s biggest icons and memes, such as David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson. This new incarnation follows a similar trope: Los Angeles Lifeguards patrolling the beach, keeping it safe, and saving the day from your local ship fire or drug dealer.
The movie stars: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Mich Buchannon (My spirit animal), Zack Efron as Matt Brody and Priyanka Chopra as Victoria Leeds.
This movie overall, could have been a great slap-stick cop buddy comedy, similar to the fun of 21 Jump Street. A movie that doesn’t take itself too seriously while at the same time knows how to apply fresh comedic material to a younger audience. Efron makes sure to point that out many times in the film.
Baywatch achieves none of that.
While there is no shortage of gorgeous bodies, bums, abs and boobs, there’s nothing actually funny about the movie. Its jokes are weak and tired and there’s nothing interesting about it. The plot, while stale, wouldn’t have mattered if the humor was there, and there just wasn’t any.
I have no doubt though that an audience aged between: 16 to 20 will worship this pile of rubbish, and probably laugh as many times as I screamed out aloud: What the fuck am I watching: *Insert random dick scene*.
The cast, provides everything you’d hope to see in a Baywatch movie, lot’s of great things to look at. There’s more than enough boobs and bums to keep you interested, but at the same time, I don’t know anyone whos watched the full length of a porn film either.
Everyone’s pretty, but it gets old fast, not that movie cares, they’ll keep showing you snips from every comedy from the last decade. Every cliche from: The Hangover, to 21 Jump Street to Fast and The Furious was there.
While yes, this is a movie that doesn’t take itself seriously, it’s also a movie that tries so hard to not take itself seriously it hurts, to the power of cringe times the power of yuck.
Overall, please don’t spend your money on this one and don’t even wait for it to come out on DSTV’s Box Office, just wait for a freebie to watch on a Saturday morning with a hangover, and even then, only watch it for the view, not for much else.
If you’ve seen the movie or going to go see it, I’d love to know what you think, let me know in the comments: